Wrestlemania 31 Review – New Champs

This is NOT your typical review. This is just my opinions and thoughts on Wrestlemania 31 highlights. If you want the Wrestlemania 31 full show you need to sign up to the WWE Network.

Tag Team Fatal 4 way – Kid Cesaro retain the belts. Seriously I don’t care any more than that to comment further. The match was typical and I don’t even think that’s the strongest 4 tag teams in WWE so it’s a waste of energy to write about.

Andre-the-Giant-Memorial-Battle-RoyalAndre Battle Royal – The usual Battle Royal. Groups fight and high spots from various Superstars that don’t have a match later in the evening.

Towards the end you have 3. Sandow, Miz, Show. Miz bosses around Sandow like always lately and Sandow has had enough. He QUITS and throws The Miz over the top rope!

Big Show wins after Damien Sandow puts up as good of a fight asa one would expect. He certainly did NOT get squashed at the end and looked strong if anything moving forward. I expect Sandow to whip The Miz’s ass over the next few months and come out looking better than ever.

First title match of Wrestlemania 31 is here

Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match

Ambrose – Ziggler – Bryan – Harper – Stardust – Truth vs Defending Champion Bad News Barrett

GREAT MATCH. Opening with this is smart after the Andre the Giant Battle Royale since there is a long intro to WM + the ending / recap after the BR. Lots of people expected this to be the high point of the night and the match does not disappoint. Hell Stardust even brings in his own ladder. Ambrose and Harper had a good spot and you have to give Luke credit he not only plays his character amazing, he bumps as good as anyone in the ring.

They are building TONS of credibility and value to the IC title right now. Let’s be real, the belt has wavered a bit lately with some quick title changes. This will hopefully ESTABLISH the best once again as the gateway to the WWE Title like the old days.

10850013_10152599134321571_5706543846768194426_nLuke powebombs Dean through a ladder from the ring to the outside. Google it. Insane spot. Luke and Dolph go at it for a while and he almost gets that belt in his hands until BNB comes in and pulls him off the ladder to a waiting Bull Hammer. Then he drops the Bull Hammer on Stardust and Truth. Bryan is making a HUUUGE run. Bryan and Ziggler battle on TOP of the ladder both grabbing at the belts and go into a mutual headset frenzy. Ziggler drops and Bryan wins the Intercontinental Championship to start off the night.

Seriously. If you’re a WWE Network subscriber you just got your $9.99 worth in this match and everything else is fucking gravy. These guys are the future of WWE and Wrestlemania 31 is no exception to their awesomeness.

images-141Randy Orton vs Seth Rollins

Great setup for this match with Orton showing up Rollins and The Authority as a bunch of suckers that fell for his trap. He beat the hell out of Rollins and left him to rot.

Don’t forget Rollins still has that Money In The Bank briefcase and who knows if he will try to cash it in later tonight. With Lesnar as champion we have seen very little action with the briefcase this year, barely even a threat of using it like years past.

Orton crushes J&J Security early on with a double DDT off the Apron to the outside. They earned it and had it coming but Rollins used that opportunity as expected to take some control of the match.

Amazing back and forth with these two guys. Orton is one of my all-time favorites of the modern day WWE product. RKO Outta Nowhere and Rollins kicked out! He is showing the heart needed to be called “the Future of the WWE” because many others have NOT kicked out in these positions. Guess that cock shot on Twitter didn’t kill his career after all, they’re clearly not burying him in this match and letting him have some high spots of his own.

Randy hits another RKO and picks up the win after sucking in Rollins for what he thought was going to be a match ending curb stomp. The future may not be today, but that kid put up one hell of a WrestleMania 31 match. Props to him.

tumblr_nm0awfwf8i1sr1galo6_1280Triple H vs Sting

Everyone is dressed in Sting makeup playing bells and hitting drums. Not sure what the fuck this has to do with Sting, he’s not like an Asian warrior or something. Very bizarre and out of place. After 60 seconds or so the crow sounds, and regular video promo for him begins to come out to the ring. NOPE.. MORE BELLS AND DRUMS and he comes out in a half crow half Berry Gordy’s The Last Dragon looking Robe. SHO NUFF RIP brother.

Triple H comes out hoping he will one day get to lick Arnold’s ball sweat with his Terminator inspired entrance. Ok. This is just the dumbest two entrances of all time I think.

No It’s OFFICIAL. Triple H just had the douchiest entrance in WrestleMania history. KoKo B. Ware and his bird is more badass. HHH coming out with a Terminator headgear on is just tragic. Guess he isn’t the King of Kings anymore.

So far the in-ring battle has been great. A little back and forth and even a crotch chop in the opening moments of their match. Right when you thought Sting had HHH the DX jerks show up with NAO and X-Herpes. HHH goes for the Pedigree and Sting backdrops his ass outside the ring. Will anyone come back Sting up in this no-DQ match? STING OFF THE TOP ROPE TO THE OUTSIDE TAKING OUT ALL OF DX — HOLY FUCK.

Great work by Sting he showed up READY TO ROCK. If only Undertaker looked like this last year huh? Billy Gunn gets popped again and HHH gets a Pedigree off but Sting kicks out. Hunter can’t close this match and bitches out for the sledgehammer.

48-700x390NWO MUSIC HITS what the hell is going on??? HOGAN – NASH – HALL come out to the ring. Are they here to make the save for Sting? Sure looks like it. DX vs NWO is this about to actually go down or will Sting be made the ultimate bitch?? DX attacks and gets dropped like bricks and Hogan looks at HHH and says YOU SUCK IT while crotch chopping. SCORPION DEATH DROP but HHH kicks out to his credit.

Battle rages on and in the end HHH hits Sting with a broken sledgehammer half for the win. After the match you have a NWO vs DX stare down and a possible match looming for Survivor Series if they can all get in shape by then.

Music Time. Travis Barker is still alive? Screw this. It’s Certified Grade-A let’s go take a dump time. Back in 10 minutes people. I’m not even kidding. Here is my Wrestlemania 31 Bathroom Break moment!

WM31_Photo_250Bella Twins vs Paige and AJ Lee

Back and forth battle. Those girls don’t look like twins anymore at all. It’s like a before and after for cosmetic surgery and different living styles. One looks like a hippy the other a porn star. I guess that’s their thing, don’t care much either way.

AJ Lee wins in the end by submission. Hopefully it picks back up now after the past 20 minutes or so being completely forgettable.

A long ass Hall of Fame recap certainly is not helping any. Yikes. Oh Christ have mercy on our souls they’re doing a slow intro of every one of them and Kevin Nash needed his own entrance after a former GOVERNOR in Arnold Schwarzenegger .. Un fucking real. I hope he doesn’t tear a quad walking his ego to the back. Wrestle mania 31 Hall of Fame class taking their moment to shine.


John Cena vs Rusev (c)

Rusev comes to the ring first with Lana, and a TANK. Pretty insane and bitchin’ entrance for someone that’s a Cold War style heel. Great concept, and the guy is still technically undefeated. Will that last tonight? Or I guess today, it’s still daylight in Cali.

Every time I see Rusev and Lana I think about Ivan Drago from Rocky IV and how Brigitte Nielsen was his handler. Great stuff and they’re playing the part fantastically since their debut.

Huge Pro-USA intro for John Cena right now including Obama clips, Reagan, yada yada yada. I love my country but to compare a wrestling match to warriors that die for our liberties and freedoms is a bit obnoxious, but I guess that’s the “John Cena thing” with WWE.

The United States Championship is on the line and here we go.

Shout out to Audrey 3:16 holding up that sign you go gurl! hahah

The crowd pretty much hates Rusev and is booing him pretty savagely. He demanded to be introduced first. Cena is not getting a ton of love either, probably 60-65% boo birds out for him right now. Who will the crowd hate less in this match?

Explosive start to the match from both guys with Rusev taking early control. Goes for a few early pin attempts with no luck. Russell also takes a moment to wave his flag around over Cena while he’s down. Cena baits him in and goes for a run of his own. A real back and forth battle here so far.

Let’s Go Lana chants breaking out. I think she is the crowd favorite of this match so far.

Massive exchange of punches, Rusev screaming out “You can’t beat me John Cena.” as he regains control of the match. He also begins screaming random shit. Goes to stomp Cena’s back but he grabs his foot, flips him over and gets in the STF. Lana threw her show in the ring as a distraction and Rusev makes it to the ropes. Russell launches himself off the TOP ROPE for a headbutt. INSANITY. Never seen the big fella launch himself like that and the crowd starts cheering for him, “Rusev.. Rusev.. Rusev..”

“RUSEV CRUSH” and it’s on people he’s going for The Accolade. Cena is fight back and gets away from it just in time. WTF Cena just hit a springboard stunner off the second rope. You gotta look that highlight up. Great move and not one of the usual “5 moves of doom.” Back and forth counters once again this is one hell of a battle and Rusev gets The Accolade on Cena. Will he tap out?

WM31_Photo_308Cena is not giving up. Will he pass out like in Fastlane? He gets up and breaks the hold, battles back, and gets the STF on Rusev. Cena releases and reapplies the hold. Rusev charges as Lana distracts and Rusev slams her onto the floor. Rusev is stunned, AA, CENA WINS!

John Cena is your United States Champion.

Lana is being attended too for her leg/ankle and Rusev is berating her over the failed interference and then he walks away mad as hell. Will they split? Only time will tell but Rusev certainly is pissed off in a big way.

Ever wondered what the WWE would do with Brock Lesnar having a WWE Championship he only defends once in a while? Give Daniel Bryan the Intercontinental Title and John Cena the United States strap. Now you have TWO workhorses (both with their Bellas) of the WWE “company men” to run around the world defending the belts.

The Authority come out to tell the audience that they have broken the Levi Stadium/Arena whatever the hell it is with 76,976 people in attendance tonight for Wrestlemania 31. Oh and now they’re plugging the WWE Network, a little late maybe since it’s well over 1/2 way through? Now Steph talks about how great she and HHH are. GAG ME WITH A WOODEN SPOON.

HHH goes on and on and on until THE ROCK’S music hits and The Peoples Champ comes out to a stoked audience. He works the crowd for a couple minutes and walks down to the ring with HHH glaring at him the entire time.

The Rock now runs down HHH and calls him out for a fight to make a WrestleMania moment. Certainly not the PG promo’s WWE gravitates towards but you gotta hand it to The Rock he is the king of the promo and feeding the crowd exactly what they want.

Ronda-Rousey-Stephanie-McMahon-WrestleMania-31-645x370Stephanie slaps the taste out of the Rock’s mouth and tells him to GTFO out of the ring and arena. She mocks him on the way out while his backs turned from the ring and he starts circling around the ring. Ronda Rousey (UFC Women’s Champ) is watching front row and Rock goes over to say hi and brings her over the barricade and back into the ring with him.

“Ronda’s gonna kill you” chants engulfing the ring.

Stephanie tells Ronda to get the hell out of her ring and the stick gets passed to Ronda. A little back and forth and then HHH tells Rock it’s enough. Rock agrees and smacks HHH around. Ronda and Steph get into it and holds her in a 1 hand arm bar.

Bray Wyatt vs The Undertaker

Here we go people. One of the most anticipated matches of the night. Bray comes to the ring with a bunch of creepy scarecrow people walking behind him.

The Undertakers music hits and The Dead Man makes his way to the ring. I’m not really how I feel about him coming back with NO TV TIME at all before this match. Last time we saw him Brock Lesnar was kicking his ass and making him look 100 years old. Why is Taker back for this match? I guess we’ll find out as this story is about to unfold.

11017240_535674423237815_5273575153437190270_nUndertaker and Bray are having a stare down in the middle of the ring. Bray starts pacing and yelling at Taker. He charges and takes a huge boot to the face. Some early shots and Taker going Old School on the top rope. “You still got it” chants break out and Bray grabs his first bit of control.

Undertaker and Wyatt go back and forth for a while each taking brief control and then losing it with both men coming back to even. So far Taker looks good, but he is not being punished like Lesnar was doing to him last year. Totally different styles of wrestlers here, Bray is much better suited for Taker with his more “wrestling classic” style compared to Lesnar dropping you 1000 times on your back or head.

Bray drops levelling shots over and over and over including using the steps. Taker is taking a beating now and looking old like last year. JBL questioning if The Undertaker is back or not with The King saying “Just say no to negativity” love you King haha!

Bray keeps hammering him and Takers gets on a submission move, Hells Gate or whatever he calls it. They break and both men are down and slowly getting up. Taker up first but Bray catches him and drops him like a ton of bricks. Then a running back splash or whatever the hell its called. Pin attempt, kick out. Bray goes for Sister Abigail but holds it WAAAAYYY too long and the The Phenom grabs the throat and BOOOOOOM shaka aka Chokeslam.

Throatslash gesture from Taker. Looking for the Tombstone Piledriver and he hits is. 1.. 2.. KICK OUT!!!

Bray is NOT ready to Rest In Peace. Taker up first, throat slash gesture once again. Gets Bray up, he gets out. BOOM Sister Abigail.. 1..2.. Undertaker kicks out! Bray is in disbelief.

spider_sit.0.0Count gets to 7 and he Spider climbs up to the Dead Man who then rises up and meets him eye to eye. Taker can barely get up. Strikes being exchanged. Bray gets him down and mocks The Undertaker.

Gets him up for another Sister Abigail.


Tombstone Piledriver.

1 2 3 The Undertaker Wins.

WM31_Photo_387-914518100.0.0Really was hoping to see Bray Wyatt win, this does NOTHING to build up Bray’s legacy feeding him to a geriatric looking Dead Man. I’m kind of pissed off seeing this match. JBL proclaims “The Undertaker is BACK” but let’s be real, you won’t see him for another YEAR and he’ll be just as boring then as he was tonight. Bray Wyatt just carried that match and deserves all the credit. He won by losing to feel an old mans ego.

Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar (c)

Here we go the title match nobody has been waiting for.

Roman comes to the ring through the audience. Glad to see he has updated his music, entrance, and gear since his days in The Shield. Oh wait, he HASN’T lol.. Seriously. Seth Rollins Catwoman spandex suit is at least being different even if he looks like he’s a ref in the lingerie football league. Flat entrance.

I really hope Brock just breaks this kids spirit. Believe THAT!

Brock Lesnar’s music hits and the crowd ERUPTS. They’re happy to see him. Paul Heyman always in tow smiling like the smug little prick he was destined to be. Love that guy. I have since the ECW days driving with friends from NYC to Philly to see it live. He’s so great for a champion like Brock to have in his corner.

So will Seth Rollins cash in after this match? Hmmm. I’m guessing he WON’T but there are only so many months left for him to make it happen, especially since Brock does not defend at every PPV. Who knows.

Roman introduced to boo birds by Lilian Garcia.

Brock introduced by Paul Heyman lol. He demands the mic. Love this fucking guy. He is the Don King of wrestling.

Ok here we go the match begins. Jesus he grabs Roman, throws him in the corner. Suplex. F5. It’s 30 seconds in. Brock has a cut on his face and looks pissed. From the one and only shot Roman got in holy hell. IT’S TORTURE TIME.

Brock starts dismantling Roman. Suplex. Brock stalking. Roman fights back to a crowd of boos. He can’t knock him down with a running clothesline. BOOM. Another German Suplex. Roman is smiling and tries getting up pushing at Brocks face. Suplex. Lesnar shouts out “Suplex city bitch.”

Roman with 2 solid rights. Brock. SUPLEX. Reigns still smiling all the time as if he can take this beating. Brock delivering knees. German Suplex. That’s #6. More knees.

hqdefaultRoman going on the attack with kicks and hits until Brock grabs his leg and clotheslines him from the apron to the floor in brutal fashion. Brock came outside the ring to say HI to Roman. They go back in. Suplex.

Roman looks exhausted. Bleary eyed. Not like he’s done much other than take a beating. SUPLEX. While I’m fucking typing hahaha amazing. Crowd chanting the Suplex # after each one is a beautiful touch. Lesnar delivers another F5.

Reigns is angering Brock while he delivers open hand slaps to Roman’s face. Suplex City that’s #9 and #10 one after the other. BOOM F5 (#3 if you’re counting) and Roman Reigns kicks out at 2 and a half! Good for him but I don’t see the value add or build of of his character here other than this giant Samoan kid is the modern day Rocky?? Derp de la derp for that train of thought.

Brock about to slam Roman into the ring post and it’s reversed and Lesnar is broken open and wobbly. He gets back in at 9 and is a bloody mess.

WM31_Photo_407-4212452569SUPERMAN PUNCH FROM ROMAN REIGNS and Brock doesn’t even go down! a Second Superman punch and he falls to a knee in the corner. 3rd Superman punch misses. They exchange blows. BOOM he hits the 3rd Superman punch in under a minute. SPEAR. He has Brock Lesnar reeling as he crawls to the ropes to get up. SECOND SPEAR. Cover. 1..2.. LESNAR KICKS OUT.

This is starting to pick up. Heyman is going fucking crazy outside of the ring. Roman goes for another Superman punch gets caught in the air and a VISCIOUS F5.

GUESS WHO BITCHES????? IT’S SETH ROLLINS. Mr. Money In The Bank. It’s now a triple threat match and Rolling knocks Reigns out of the ring.

CURB STOMP!!!!!!!!!!!


Seth Rollins is the NEW WWE Champion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he is running out of the arena.


Wowzers all 3 titles that matter changed hands. I don’t want to see how nuts Lesnar is going to be the next time he is on TV.

My Final Opinion:

I thought that WrestleMania 31 was going to kind of suck, I won’t lie. I was totally wrong. It was fucking awesome and one of the best ever.