Welcome to the WWE WrestleMania 34 pre-show, and we are live on the WWE Network. Renee Young, Booker T, JBL and David Otunga are participating in tonights panel. To start the night we’re getting a series of video packages to highlight all of the matches on the card for the evening.
Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Bray appears at the end and aligns with Woken Matt Hardy. That’s the highlight of the entire match.
Winner: Matt Hardy
Vacant WWE Cruiserweight Title Match:
Mustafa Ali vs. Cedric Alexander
Winner: Cedric Alexander
Women’s Battle Royal
Another Battle Royale and another missed opportunity to add someone special to the match. In the end it’s Sasha and Bailey. Bailey gets Sasha out but wait, Naomi is still in the match. 2 moves later it’s over and…
Welcome to the WrestleMania 34! We get an intro video package to hype the matches that will be taking place tonight. No idea who the girls singing are to open up the show. More big sports moments lost on a metalhead.
Intercontinential Championship Match – Triple Threat Match
Seth Rollins vs. The Miz (C) vs. Finn Balor
Here we go. For many this has Match of the Night potential before it even begins. The Miz dumps the Miztourage at the top of the ramp and goes it alone to the ring. Balor coming in for his WrestleMania debut and he is soaking in every moment and it’s awesome to see.
They’re trading blows and going wild. Finn to the outside takes everyone out. Good back and forth match with everyone getting a chance to show their moves.
++ BOOM LIFE: Gotta blow dry the kids hair. A Dad’s work is never done LOL ++
Come back to crowd going wild. And new…
Winner and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Seth Rollins
WWE Women’s Smackdown Championship Match
Charlotte Flair (C) vs. Asuka
Here we go. Will Asuka’s undefeated streak end tonight?
Will Charlotte Flair retain her title?
Will John Cena keep having drinks in the audience?
Well we have to watch to find out this and more, available for only $9.99 on the WWE Network (har har har.)
I have a special guest, Alyssa (6), here watching the girls wrestle so don’t mind the lack of updates on this match I need to entertain her while she watches. With the new WWE Superstars girl toy line she became interested in wrestling so she’s here to see her action figures come to life.
THE STREAK IS OVER. THE STREAK IS OVER.
Honestly I never thought Flair would lose. It was her destiny to break the streak.
Winner and still WWE Woman’s Smackdown Champion: Charlotte Flair
“Charlotte was ready for Asuka. Congratulations.”
A referee goes up to Cena in the audience, tells him something and now Cena runs up the ramp in his street clothes to the back. Is something about to go down???
United States Championship Title Match – Fatal Fourway
Bobby Roode vs. Rusev vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton (C)
We have 4 awesome talents beating the crap out of each other for the first 5-10 minutes here with Rusev showing a lot of promise. He looks fantastic BTW, lost some weight but looks as strong as ever.
Oh no, Jinder Mahal picks up a pinfall on Rusev after Sunil Singh creates a diversion. This is ruining my RUSEV DAY!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!
Winner and NEW United States Champion: Jinder Mahal
Mixed Tag Match
Stephanie McMahon and Triple H vs. Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle
The Corporation arrives on motorcycle dressed in biker black. After 3-4 minutes they eventually get into the ring, pose, lights up and Kurt Angle’s Olympic Theme hits. You can never deny Kurt, he won at the Olympics with a broken friggen neck!!
Awesome seeing Kurt back in the WWE where he belongs. His demons cleaned, life back on track, an amazing year as GM, and now back in the ring. Masterful. Ronda is coming out and is wearing Rowdy Roddy Piper inspired ring attire.
Stephanie taunting Ronda early on. That receipt will come back later I’m guessing. Triple H and Kurt are handling the entire match for the first 5 minutes or so now with the hot tag about to finally happen to Ronda but Stephanie pulls her legs out on the apron so she can’t be tagged. Smart but that’s another check her ass will have to cash before this is done.
RONDA IS IN. She is absolutely destroying Stephanie in every aspect. Wrestling, fighting, suplexed her into outer space. Ronda and Stephanie are both putting on a hell of a performance though, hats off to both. Stephanie is fighting back after a cheap thumb to the eye and gets some offense in. Ronda then chokes her and nails some kind of Olympic Slam variation. 1,2, Triple H breaks up the count. Then he pulls Ronda to the outside of the ring slamming her down to the mat.
Triple H regains control of the match and checks on his wife in the middle of the ring. Ronda is up and in the ring with Triple H squaring up with no fear. Ronda pummels the shit out of HHH, backs him into the corner, and gets him on her shoulders for a slam and the crowd goes wild. Stephanie again playing spoiler saving her husband. Ronda and Stephanie battle outside of the ring now. Kurt is back in the ring throwing Hunter around with some belly to bellies and a series of germans. Turnbuckle toss, Angle Slam, 1..2.. Kickout!
We’re getting deep here, everyone working their asses off and putting on a hell of a show. Angle going for an ankle lock and Stephanie again interrupting. Ronda for her in-ring debut is straight up FIRE. She did her homework, put the time in the ring, and is here to play. HHH goes for a powerbomb on Rousey reversed to a Hurricanrana. ARM BAR.
Stephanie jumping in again rear naked choke. Ronda reverses. Ankle lock on HHH by Angle. Last ditch move by HHH taking everyone out to release both submission holds. ARM BAR ARM BAR ARM BAR Stephanie TAPS!
Winners: Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle
Triple Threat Tag Team Championship Match
New Day vs. The Usos (C) vs. Bludgeon Brothers
This ones gonna get brutal people. Bludgeon Brothers are ready to destroy all.
Good match so far. Pretty much what I expected here. Lots of back and forth with BB showing strong consistently. 5 minutes later Harper with a powerbomb off the ropes and the win.
Winners and NEW Smackdown Tag Team Champions: Bludgeon Brothers
John Cena is coming down to the ring and a ref quickly follows down the ramp with another already in the ring. The Leader of the C-Nation is getting agitated. He’s wandering around the ring. BOOM the lights go out. That magical strum of Elias hits and he’s at the top of the ramp looking as magical as ever. He’s my current favorite so him coming to the ring works for me. Better than a geriatric Undertaker. I know that’s not a popular opinion but I remember UT from the very start. Would rather keep those memories.
Elias walks to the ring and tells Cena to get out, and surprisingly Cena goes back into the audience. Elias puts on a masterful performance, “John Cena sucks, because he’s like all of you.” Cena hits the ring and hits his 5 Moves of Doom on Elias. Elias rolls away and Cena’s music hits, he poses on the turnbuckles and prepared to walk off back up the ramp. His music stops and the stadium goes dark a second time.
Takes Hat and Jacket reappear in the center of the ring (like how he left it last year) and a theatrical lightning bolt makes them go away. YAWWN. Now the gong of The Undertaker strikes. Will he show up tonight? Yup. He has appeared. Cena still halfway down the ramp. Cena back in the ring, hours later Taker is still meandering his way down the ramp. I just made a cup of coffee while he walked down the ring, it took THAT long. Seriously. YAWN *2.
Ding ding ding and they get right at it. 3 minutes later after we watch Undertaker hit every move in his arsenal he pins Cena. The walk to the ring took longer. Where have I seen this before? Oh yeah, last year. Goldberg vs. Lesnar. Worst match of the night so far.
Winner: The Undertaker
Some video packages and HOF Crew paraded out for the crowd. Likely so they can help walk Undertaker back to the assisted living facility. LOL ok ok I’ll stop 🙂
GRUDGE MATCH – Jobs on the Line
Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan vs. Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens
Surprised to see Shane here tonight in the ring. Glad he is feeling better but hoping he’s not putting himself at risk. Love the show but he’s a dad and husband well off enough to never work again. I’d be ok had he put in a replacement for himself.
This is awesome. Daniel Bryan coming to the ring. Any real fan has been waiting YEARS now for this. OH NO Zayn and Owens come in from behind with a sneak attack!
Zayn and Owens are working over McMahon while DB is being attended to outside of the ring. They’re bringing out a stretcher. Crowd is pretty dead while the beatdown commences. Shane is making a comeback and looking for a Coast to Coast on Zayn. BOOM he connected. Shane honestly has looked terrible. Not his workmanship just his health. He’s blown up sweaty, looks just weak. I hope he doesn’t legit injure himself tonight to entertain us. The guy still has it for the best ‘non-wrestler’ to ever be on the roster. BOOM DB breaks up a pinfall attempt out of nowhere.
Here we go people. YES! chant begins and signs popping up! YES YES YES YES YES! Daniel Bryan clap clap clap chant in full effect.
Daniel Bryan just got the tag. First time legal in the match 10 minutes in. Here we go! DB is flying all over the place like he has been wrestling daily over the past 3 years. YES Kicks being delivered after a ton of battling. YES LOCK and Sami Zayn taps out.
Winners: Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan
I’m guessing we see Sami and Kevin tomorrow night on RAW looking for a job.
RAW Woman’s Championship Match
Alexa Bliss (C) vs. Nia Jax
Nia comes down to the ring and just destroys Mickie James to end any outside distraction. Now she’s working her way into the ring and bell rings and we’re ready to rock. Nia mauling Bliss.
Alexa outside of the ring trying to escape with her title but Nia is back on the attack. Bliss goes on the attack with a barrage of kicks but it’s not doing enough to stop Jax. Bliss keeps working the knee. Nia misses a massive shoulder block in the corner hitting the post and falling outside. Twisted Bliss from the top to the outside takes out Nia. DDT on Nia, 2 and a half count.
Nia making a comeback. Hits a Super Samoan Drop off the top rope and BOOM 1..2..3 she wins the title from Bliss.
Winner and NEW RAW Woman’s Champion: Nia Jax
Is Carmella coming to cash in right now? So far nothing has happened which I think everyone is expecting. Wow, nope we go right to the next video montages and whatnot. I guess she has until the next Money in the Bank to cash it in, giving her a little more time just yet.
WWE Smackdown Championship Match
Shinsuke Nakamuravs. AJ Styles (C)
Will this now takeover as Match of the Night? We shall see my friends, we shall see.
The match begins and both competitors are exchanging blows in an initial contest of one-upmanship. AJ starts slowing down the match, maybe even playing it a bit safe. Still a good solid match so far, each man taking a little control here and there. Very physical.
Nakamura taking control of the match with his Strong Style moveset and doing so very well.
Work call killing me but what a match. AJ Wins and then Nakamura turns heel and low blows AJ and a vicious assault begins. He’s destroying him inside and now outside of the ring. Kick after kick after kick.
Winner and still WWE Smackdown Champion: AJ Styles
WWE RAW Tag Team Championship Match
The Bar (Cesaro and Sheamus) vs. Braun Strowman and Nicholas
Braun comes out and has no partner. He pushes a float off the stage and marches down to the ring. Who is his partner? So far nobody. Braun grabs the mic and is announcing it to The Bar in the middle of the ring. He’s pointing to the audience saying “It’s one of you” and points to the crowd.
Now Braun is in the crowd walking around looking for a partner. He picks “Nicholas” a ~10 year old boy. He’s on the apron and the match begins. Braun beats the hell out of The Bar, then they fight back. Braun tags in Nicholas who pauses then tags Braun back in.
Winners and NEW WWE RAW Tag Team Champions: Braun Strowman and Nicholas
WWE Universal Championship Match
Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar (C)
Here we go, the main event of the evening. Brock and Roman collide. Roman comes out instantly to boos. No fancy entrance, just walking down to the ring and a big fireworks pop when he does his fist to the mat in the center of the ring.
Brock comes down to the ring, also with a pretty plain entrance. JoJo announces Roman and like usual Paul grabs the mic to do his clients proper introduction.
Bell rings and the physical destruction of both men begins. Roman already going to suplex city moments in. Roman answers with 2 Superman punches. Roman now has the upper hand and is rocking Brock with some power moves. Brock fighting back, gets Roman outside of the ring and suplexes him outside of the ring and then through the announcers table face first. Looked like a total botch job Romans face was drilled by the table.
The Beast Incarnate is delivering suplex after suplex right now to Roman Reigns. Takes him outside and the attack continues. Roman starts turning it around and is getting back on the offense.
Roman gets him back in the ring. Superman punch, spear, spear, pin attempt only goes to 2. Roman charges and is met with a massive knee from Lesnar. They’re exchanging at a huge level right now. Lesnar makes a few pinfall attempts but Roman kicks out.
Lesnar just keeps beating on Roman and delivers a 5th F5 and Reigns KICKS OUT. Brock is taking off the gloves now in frustration that he can’t get this finished.
Roman is busted open. Blood is just pouring down his face and he looks absolutely fucking insane. This is amazing. Brock another F5. GOT IT. Brock Lesnar retains.
Winner and STILL WWE Universal Champion: Brock Lesnar
Holy hell, that was an insane ending of the match. Nobody thought Brock was leaving with the title tonight and he just did.